I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Everyone says I win the strip club
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
