i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
