dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
