The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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