Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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