Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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