I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
