i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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