I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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