I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
