i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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