dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Randomize
