God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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