he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
