The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize