Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
