She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
