We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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