oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
