but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
