u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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