I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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