Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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