Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
