I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
