That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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