Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
