i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize