Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
