Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
