please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
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Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
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That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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