I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deserve to be covered in dicks
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize