You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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