Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
