Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
