Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
If I die, sorry about rent.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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