If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
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