Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
