His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
