He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
