3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
