Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
