Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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