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• (781): View more from Massachusetts

  my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen

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• (516): View more from New York

  remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.

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• (480): View more from Arizona

  the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.

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• (512): View more from Texas

  I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.

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• (515): View more from Iowa

  Even my vagina gasped.

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.

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• (956): View more from Texas

  I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour

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• (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.

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• (440): View more from Ohio

  sorry for showing your butt to the bar

  (513): View more from Ohio

  sorry for licking your cheek

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• (281): View more from Texas

  But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her

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• (678): View more from Georgia

  The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.

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• (518): View more from New York

  Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.

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