Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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