there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
