Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
