Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
