He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
