Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
