If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
