I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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