Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
