Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Randomize
