seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
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