My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
