i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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