I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
