Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
