I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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