dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
