Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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