i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
