shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
