Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
