So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
