im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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